"If I only had a brain..."

Forever #1...even if only in his own mind

Ever eager to show his off-field brilliance, given its glaring absence in his on-field performances, Karim Benzema reportedly decided to confront his manager about his unhappiness with his striking role at Real.

Chief among Benzema's complaints is the fact that he has been routinely substituted, managing only three full 90-minute appearances this season. Worse, Benzie often lacks a "mobile" strike partner and has to *gasp* adjust his style of play to the Madrid elder statesman, Raul, who usually partners him up front.

In trying to get a better grasp on the situation, we've decided to try and look at things from Karim's vantage point. In the process, we have uncovered his thought process, and it goes a little something like this:

1. Why can't Raul change his game for ME! Oh that's right - it's because he's too old and slow...I need someone quicker, more agile to play with...someone more like ME!
2. Why doesn't anoyone understand this?? Why doesn't anyone care about MY needs??
3. I should play no matter what...I'm Karim freakin' Benzema for chrissakes....I'm like a Ferrari to his Peugeot...or wait, should that be I'm like an Audi? Isn't that the car we're shilling now? Damn it, Karim, stay on message! I'm like an Audi to his Peugeot....
4. Life's not fair...Pellegrini promised me I'd play...He promiseddddddddddd (begins to wail at the injustice of it all)

We would like to point out to Karim that not being able to perform under pressure is common striker problem, and no one is begrudging him an adjustment period, in which he continually shoots blanks. However, people (rightly) do take issue with the fact that he expects to retain his place in the line-up for an entire game, in which he has proven inept and a detriment to his team's chances.

Just a heads up: To even question the manager on a substitution in that context proves that Pellegrini's reluctance to sign you was more than justified.

Benzema, dear, you would do well to take note of the level of professionalism of others in the Los Merengues bunch. Van Nistelrooy, for one, has vowed to stay on and fight for his place in the line-up, no matter how many injuries stand between him and a return, darn it! And we sincerely doubt that either he or Negredo would ever demur from the opportunity to head the Galactico's front-line....even if it is next to Raul.