United's Young Guns

Not too long ago I was bemoaning the failing, flailing underperformers at Man Utd (Scholsey, Berbatov, Carrick...). But all was not lost as today's 5-0 thrashing of Wigan proved in spades.

United's play was marked by a fluidity and crispness that has been lacking from many of their recent performances. The architects of this improvement were none other two young Red Devils, 16 million pound man Antonio Valencia (himself a former Wigan player) and Rafael da Silva.

Valencia's pace and vision proved too much on the night as he set up three goals and scored the fifth himself for good measure. While Rafael provided Rooney with a wonderful service (leading to his 14th league goal) and scored the third to boot. Even Berba got his scoring on...for the first time since Halloween, but still! Old Trafford faithful rejoice!

P [dot] S Who'da thunk it? Ronaldo misses Man Utd, though you shouldn't expect a reunion anytime soon. And the way Valencia's playing perhaps Old Trafford soon won't be missing him as much. He is SIR Alex Ferguson for a reason, you know....

Liverpool's Last Gasp

Fernando Torres scored the 90th minute winner at Villa Park in a crucial game for the Reds and their top-four ambitions. Now not only is El Nino the fastest 'Pool player to 50 goals in the club's history, but he has single-handedly moved them up to seventh -- two points behind sixth-placed City and Villa and only another two behind fourth-placed Tottenham.

This is definitely the most exciting EPL race in recent memory: at the top (Chelsea is only slightly ahead of Man Utd and Arsenal, each of which are separated by 2 points); in the middle (four teams are within 5 points of fourth); and at the bottom (second-to-last Hull City is only 5 points behind tenth-place Sunderland).

He's Back (Well, Sort Of...)

Jose Mourinho has reiterated his desire to return to England at some point in the (near?) future, as only as he can:

"I want to be back...I don't leave any club mid-season to go to another. So, until the end of the season there is no chance that I will leave Inter...I was very successful so it is normal that the other clubs will want me; but, yes, I believe I will be back one day."

Maybe those rumors of him heading up things at Old Trafford upon SAF's retirement are true (current odds at 5/1), or Man City (9/1), if/when Mancini doesn't work out, but, really, his best odds at 9/4 are at Liverpool. And, undoubtedly, the Special One would derive the most pleasure from replacing Rafa.

Capello's Claim: Brazil Better than Spain?

In mid-November, England traveled to Doha, Qatar to face the boys from Brazil in an international friendly, which while unremarkable in the scoreline (1-0 to Brazil), was nonetheless notable for the locale (obvi money talks...though the Three Lions better hope that the idiot that negotiated their fee isn't in charge of their 2018 bid [score there: 400k v. 4 mil for the Canarinhos]).

Anyways, the main takeaway of the evening brought to us by Don Capello, who claimed in his post-match commentary that this Brazilian team was better than FIFA World #1 and current European Champions, Spain. This proclimation might not be so surprising given that his team was just on the losing end of the most comprehensive 1-0 defeat in recent memory (England managed perhaps one shot on goal the entire game), but the English manager's remarks highlighted another less publicized reality.

In the past 20 years or so, nutritional standards have improved significantly in Brazil. Thus, as Dunga has pointed out, national team players and the population at large have reaped the physical rewards of proper nutrition (i.e. increased physical strength and stature). No longer are the Selecaos merely a group of fleet footed wonder boys; they now have the athletic prowess and power to complement their fantastic footwork.

Abysmal Play? It Has to Be Serie A!

At the Christmas break, Inter pretty much have the league wrapped up. This despite only scoring one goal in each of the last four games (resulting in two wins, one loss, and one tie). So not only is the league title a forgone conclusion, but the most dominant team in that league, the defending champions of Serie A, have struggled to produce substantial offensive output. It also seems as though Samuel Eto'o is suffering from the same, predictable Serie A malaise as Kaka once did..

Need a further indictment of the level of play/players in the Italian top flight? Just look to FIFA's World XI. Soccer's governing body went with a 4-3-3 formation with Iker Casillas in goal (Real Madrid/Spain), Dani Alves (Barcelona/Brazil), Nemanja Vidic (Man Utd/Serbia), John Terry (Chelsea/England), and Patrice Evra (Man Utd/France) across the back.

Headlining midfielders include Steven Gerrard (Liverpool/England) and Xavi and Iniesta (both of Barcelona/Spain).

Finally, up front Puskas Award winner Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid/Portugal) is joined by Fernando Torres (Liverpool/Spain) and, of course, FIFA World Player of the Year Leo Messi (Barcelona/Argentina).

Which is a round-about way of saying that not one of the World XI is from Italy or playing for an Italian team.

P [dot] S The preponderance of English and Spanish clubs is understandable, given those players' success in competitions for club and country. Nevertheless, it does seem curious that Ligue Un's Player of the Year Yoann Gourcuff was left off this list (maybe in the place of Stevie G?).

Gourcuff was a true master of the midfield last season, producing the kind of displays that earned him a (justified) comparison to the great Zidane and earned Bordeaux their first title in a decade. Actually, come to think of it, Gourcuff's resurgence coincided with his Italian escape. And that pretty much sums up my point.

Mark Beats Robinho to the Exit

Just not by choice. Mark Hughes was sacked about an hour and a half after City's 4-3 win at the weekend.

For many, the proverbial writing was on the wall for weeks. The frustrating run of draws were not the most flattering to Hughes' managerial skills, and, it could be argued, the 78 million pounds in new additions have not lived up to their potential under his stewardship. But then there's the mitigating fact that taking a mediocre, mid-table side and trying to vault them into the top four in 6 months is neither probable nor even possible, no matter how much money you try to throw at that side. The ethos of an elite side does not necessarily come with elite league players.

In their press release, City bosses cited lack of progress as a reason for the firing, but, according to Hughes, the agreed target was 6th place and 70 points at season's end. And he left them in....6th place, on pace for 65 points, having only lost two league games this season (the fewest in the Premier League). Year on year, City is up 11 points, the greatest improvement amongst all top flight teams, save Tottenham.

Essentially, Hughes was fired for drawing too many games, which doesn't make the most sense, but patience has never really been a virtue of Premier League owners.

As for his replacement, Mancini's time at Fiorentina and Lazio were successful, yes, but he went in with very little expectation, so impressing was not necessarily the most difficult under those circumstances. Moreover, his first Scudetto winning Inter side had the good fortune of receiving the title after Juve had been stripped of it and relegated to Serie B, as a result of the Calciopoli scandal.

Indeed, Mancini was sacked for not being able to replicate Inter's domestic success on the European level. In this context, his optimistic domestic goals (he claimed he would lead City to a top four finish this year and a league title in the near future) are understandable. Obvi if he doesn't win at that level, and there's no guarantee that he will against Continental opposition...then there's no guarantee of a job.

Miserable Man Utd

In the past, Femme-Football has been cautiously optimistic about Man Utd's future without Cristiano Ronaldo. SAF obvi has this whole Premier League management thing pretty much down. But just as the Reds are suffering from not having found an adequate replacement for Alonso, so are United in regards to their former talisman.

But it's more than that, if Saturday's game at Craven Cottage showed anything, it was Manchester's stunning lack of depth at the back. Because of injuries, Sir Alex had to switch to his less-preferred 3-5-2 line-up and the results were disastrous. Moreover, even at full fitness, the partnership between Ferdinand and Vidic, which, in title-winning years past, has been solid, seems to be suffering under the weight of Rio's declining form (bad news for both England and Man Utd).

Speaking of declining form, it seems time that Paul "I Never Met a Tackle I Didn't Like" Scholes hang up his professional boots. Actually, it's long overdue. While Ryan Giggs relishes in adjusting his play to the reality of his potential, and has been justly rewarded another Old Trafford extension, the pace of the game has just gotten away from Scholesy, and he doesn't seem willing or able to remodel his pugnacious play based on his physical limitations. Which wouldn't be so bad, if his errors didn't often lead to wide open opposition scoring opportunities deep in the United half (witness Danny Murphy's goal in Fulham's win).

Hitting Their Stride

Real Madrid took full advantage 0f Barca's weekend absence from La Liga by thrashing Real Zaragoza 6-0. Both teams have now played 15 games. Both are +27 on goal difference. And now Madrid is a mere 2 points back from the league leaders.

It was always going to take time for Pellegrini's side to gel, but more than that the personnel selections were going to be difficult to figure out at first, especially with a veritable buffet of pedigreed footballers (Kaka, Ronaldo, Guti, Ramos, Benzema, Iker, Higauain, etc., etc.) from which to choose. It was bound to take a little trial and error. Though Pellegrini did seem too insistent on including Benzema in the first team, when the mercurial French striker did little to repay his faith.

But, as soon as Pellegrini followed our advice and started Higuain instead of Benzema, he and the club were handsomely rewarded. The young Argentine striker has racked up an impressive 10 goal tally over the past eight games, including two braces in the last two fixtures. Perhaps more importantly, he has worked harder for Madrid up front than Benzema ever cared to do.

And his efforts have freed up play throughout the midfield, unleashing the full potential of the likes of Van der Vaart, Diarra, and Marcelo. Ultimately, the flourishing of Los Blancos' central midfield will be particularly important to their future success, as their already faulty back line has been dealt an additional blow with Pepe's season-ending industry.

While Zaragoza were never going to be too much competition (the club hasn't won since September), one just has to look at Pompey's triumph over Liverpool to realize no opponent, no matter how downtrodden, can be counted out. Madrid's brilliance on the night, however, could not be but impressive.

Done Good

Following (however unwilling) in the cleat prints of teammate and nemisis, David Beckham, Landon Donovan is off to a European outfit on a loan deal.

EPL side Everton have decided to bring in the American and LA Galaxy striker for two months and possibly longer, depending on work permits and performance.

Let's hope that English football proves a better match, so that he doesn't embarass American footie as much as he did during his time at Bayer Leverkusen and Bayern Munich. Hey, at least he'll have Tim Howard to help him along this time....

Champions League Draw

Fresh off the presses, here is the Champions League draw for the Round of 16, which will take place on February 16/17 and 23/24 (Round 1) and March 9/10 and 16/17.

AC Milan v. Man Utd (2/16 & 3/10)

Lyon v. Real Madrid (2/16 & 3/10)

Bayern Munich v. Fiorentina (2/17 & 3/9)

Porto v. Arsenal (2/17 & 3/9)

VfB Stuttgart v. Barcelona (2/23 & 3/17)

Olympiakos v. Bordeaux (2/23 & 3/17)

Internazionale v. Chelsea (2/24 & 3/16)

CSKA Moscow v. Sevilla (2/24 & 3/16)

La Liga Breakdown:

• Barcelona got a favorable draw against Vfb Stuttgart in their quest to become the first team in the CL era to win the competition two years on the trot.
  
• As for their La Liga peers, Real Madrid will face a tough test against Karim Benzema's old club, Lyon. But apparently the French side are pleased, as they would rather face Real than say Chelsea...or Barca.
  
• Sevilla drew CSKA Moscow in the least glamorous draw of the La Liga teams. And it seems that the Russians are comfortable with their opponents, despite Sevilla taking first place in their group stage group.
  

Prediction: We tip all Spanish clubs to progress beyond this stage.

EPL Low-down:

• Looks like David Beckham got his wish; really, who is UEFA to deny old golden balls? In any event, Manchester will be looking to improve their record against their Italian opposition, which, historically, hasn't been the best. So even though Milan would appear to be the weaker side in terms of current league position, United will only have to look to their bipolar two leg experience in 2007 to understand the immensity of their opposition.
  
• In what should be a cracking match, Chelsea got Serie A leaders, Internazionale. Beyond pitting the league front runners against one another, the draw will bring the return of Murinho to Stamford Bridge. Let the posturing begin...
  
• Finally, Arsenal drew the lone Portuguese side, Porto. Considering, the north London club will get to play the second leg at home, they should be especially happy with the draw.
  

Prediction: Arsenal and Chelsea will move on, while Man Utd will fall to a Milan side that always gets up for CL games.

The Rest:

• Olympiakos and Bordeaux will meet in the knock-out stage. While an aura of mutual respect pervades, it will be difficult for the Greeks to overcome the French champions, if only for one game changer: Yoann Gourcuff.
  
• Bayern Munich received the more favorable draw of the two German sides and are set to face Fiorentina, currently in ninth place in Serie A. The Bavarians will be looking forward to this match for a variety of reasons, not least because of their relative success last year against the Italian side.
  

Prediction: Bordeaux and Bayern will be booking their places in the final eight.

Lessons from the FIFA Club World Cup

Bane of my footie existence.

1. Fox Soccer Commentators (Looking at you Bretos) are ABOMINABLE!!

I mean they really, really suck. Please note, most, if not all, viewers of FSC are not soccer neophytes, so, while it may be a stretch for you, you should try to elevate your insight to more than the inane "Ibra...How dare you go up on us? You wanna play with the big boys here you go..."; lest people's overwhelming suspicion that you are unable to produce coherent and cogent speech be confirmed as reality. At this point, I hardly expect insight, but would it kill you to stop the vacuous exigeses?

Listen, if I were a American sports fan I would change the channel, just so that I could escape your self-amusing-yet-mind-numbing commentary. Honestly, I'm glad you get a kick out of yourself; this being one of the occasions that if you didn't, no one else would. However, being that I am more dedicated than the general American sporting public, I can fight the impulse to turn away, because I understand the power of the mute button and use it to my advantage any (read: every) time I have the sincere and great displeasure of hearing your voice.

Oh yeah, and I'm not alone.

2. Barca can turn it on at will.

Whew now that I can move past my frustrations, I can focus on the actual game.

Despite going one down to Atlante, the final result was never in doubt...an 80-20 possession advantage made sure of that. After Sergio tied up the score at one all on an opportunistic finish, Messi fired Barca into the lead on his second touch of the game, and Pedrito moved the match out of reach, now having scored goals in the six different competitions Barca has taken part in this year.

The result could have been much worse as Barcelona peppered the Mexican side's goal, and, at times, the passing was so crisp and clinical as to make the ball, never mind the game, far beyond Atlante's grasp.

Next up for Barca is Estudiantes, the CONEMBOL representative from Argentina, with Valdes, Puyol, Iniesta, Xavi and Marquez looking to avenge their 2006 loss to another CONEMBOL team, Internacional.

3. Pep Guardiola has apparently gotten the hang of this whole tactics thing.

Early in the first half, Barca weren't gelling in the midfield at all. They were unable to dictate the pace of the game and looked unmotivated to seize the initiative. The nonchalance of their effort was overcome by the tactical magic of Guardiola. His decision to move Sergio and Xavi closer together in the midfield proved prescient, as the Blaugrana's passing improved almost immediately. In fact, that decision, along with Pepe's later introductions of Messi and Pique (the latter for the ineffective and over-the-hill Marquez), laid the foundation for their three goal resurgence.

Tops

Spain has finished first in FIFA's world rankings for the second year in a row. Congrats!

A Long Summer Vacation

You're a winner in our book, Andrei.

With World Cup qualification (finally!) coming to a close and the draw for next summer's tournament already taken care of, attention has largely been on the winners, the 32 qualified nations. And while that is all well and good, we here at Femme Football would like to take a moment to offer our sincere condolences to those footballers who will be missing out on South Africa.

For these poor souls something to hang their hat on in the interim, we have created a new honor: the "Best Player Not Playing in This Year's World Cup," abbreviated BPNPTYWC, and known commonly known as the Ryan Giggs Award.

Here are this year's honorees:

4th Runner Up: Petr Cech, Czech Republic (It really has been all downhill since that Steven Hunt incident)

3rd Runner Up: Dimitar Berbatov, Bulgaria (Not scoring goals in a Man Utd uniform to be replaced by not scoring goals in Bulgaria's red and green)

2nd Runner Up: Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden (At least you won't fall prey to the tricks of small children off the field or those of wily defenders on it)

1st Runner Up: Emmanuel Adebayor, Togo (We shall miss your strikes, but, as any Arsenal fan will tell you, we'll mostly miss you're class)

And this year's BPNPTYWC/Ryan Giggs Award goes to......Andrei Arshavin, whose Russian side decided to do everything in its power to undo the 2-1 advantage it had going into the second leg of UEFA qualification play-offs. Andrei, you may be king of the house, but your coronation in South Africa was just not to be.

Oh yeah, and congratulations on your win!

So This is What a World Record Transfer Fee Buys You....

After sitting out the last two months owing to an ankle injury or a curse or some combination thereof, Cristiano Ronaldo has now featured in the last two Real Madrid CL matches against FC Zurich (as a sub) and Marseille (as the scorer of a brace) in addition to playing in El Clasico. He is currently the leading scorer in the Champions League and added what was probably one of the best strikes of the competition to his haul this week.

All this, and there's the fact that he's still "not 100%."

In other Champions League news, top spots went to: Bordeaux, which eeked out a 1-0 win against lowly Maccabi Haifa; Man Utd, with Michael Owen's hat trick capping an otherwise lackadaisical performance; Chelsea, which drew with Apoel Nicosia 2-2, but lost Michael Essien for at least a month; Fiorentina, which effectively ruined Steven Gerrard's 500th appearance for Liverpool.

There was also Barcelona, with Messi ensuring first place on a night when all four teams had a chance at the top two; Sevilla, which finally put Rangers out of their CL misery with a 1-0 win; and, Arsenal, which still managed to top the group despite losing 0-1 to an enterprising Olympiakos side.

Second place (in order of groups [A-H]) is as follows: Bayern Munich; CSKA Moscow; AC Milan; FC Porto; Lyon; Internazionale; VfB Stuttgart; and Olympiakos.

The draw for the Round of 16 matches will take place on December 18th and matches will begin on February 16th and 17th.

Legend Status

Ronaldinho was named World Soccer's Player of the Decade today.

First and foremost: !Congratulations 'Dinho!

We always had faith (and kept it in spite of the off field extracurriculars). In fact, we still think there is much more greatness left in those golden boots, and we look forward to many, many more goofy smiles and slightly awkward surfer hand gestures on the pitch in years to come.

What about you? Who's you're top footballer from the past decade? We just want to put it out there now: in ten more years, the honor will go to [drumroll please] Cristiano Ronaldo.

But to celebrate this decade's greatest, we have compiled Femme Football's Top Ten Ronaldinho Moments from the past ten years. Enjoy!

1. The Made to Look Easy Goal against Villareal. Seriously. Ridiculously. Amazing.


2. The Mind Boggling Free Kick against England. No list would be complete without it.


3. The Brilliant One. There are no other words.


4. The Genius Juggling against Milan. Where does anyone get off doing that in a game?


5. The Fine Finish at PSG. Divine in its simplicity.


6. The Brazilian Ping Pong. Thank you, Nike.


7. The Superb Strike against Sparta Braga. It's almost not fair.


8. The Free Kick that Confounded Kahn. Really how many other players could do that?


9. The Freestyle. Because that is what makes Gaucho so fun to watch.


10. The Fantastic Footwork at Milan...and all that is yet to come!

Break It Down: World Cup Draw

Group A: South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France

Group B: Argentina, Nigeria, South Korea, Greece

Group C: England, U.S., Algeria, Slovenia

Group D: Germany, Australia, Serbia, Ghana

Group E: Netherlands, Denmark, Japan, Cameroon

Group F: Italy, Paraguay, New Zeleand, Slovakia

Group G: Brazil, North Korea, Ivory Coast, Portugal

Group H: Spain, Switzerland, Hondouras, Chile

Some thoughts for your consideration:

1. For an unseeded team, France was very fortunate in the draw and should easily progress. Well, then again, they should have easily progressed in their qualifying group, so we'll see how it goes...


2. Greece got the same draw (Argentina and Nigeria) as they did in the 1994 World Cup - the last time they qualified for the competion. Fans of Hellas can only hope this time is different...


3. The opening game of the competiton will be South Africa v. Mexico. Usually, the host country gets a boost on the pitch in light of their home field advantage, but recent results put that prospect in doubt for the hosts this time around. Will this be the first time the host side doesn't make it out of the first round?


4. Group of Death? Look to Group G: Brazil, Ivory Coast and Portugal. In terms of promising free-flowing football, it doesn't get much better than these three.

World Cup Seeds

Seeding for the 2010 World Cup has just been announced with the most curious admission being France, which missed out on being seeded (perhaps as punishment for the "Hand of Gaul") and now resides in Pot 4 along with the rest of the European teams (though that is not likely to allay Irish anger, which seems to be building as every WC milestone comes to pass).

Now, only 49 hours, 25 minutes and a few seconds to the actual draw!

Apparently the Placenta Fluid Didn't Work

Robin van Persie will be out until at least April (and very possibly through the end of the season) as the ligament damage he suffered on his ankle during international duty has proven worse than originally anticipated.

Despite his admirable, if unorthodox, efforts to regain fitness, Arsenal will be without their most effective attacking player. This is doubly concerning for the young Gunners, who have traditionally had trouble finishing, and who are without the significant striking presence of the departed Emmanuel Adebayor and the injured Nicklas Bendtner.

As such, Wenger has decided to foray into the transfer market during the January window. Apparently the Frenchman has eyes for Bordeaux striker Marouane Chamakh, but it's still to be seen whether Bordeaux will be willing to let go of their prized player.

Top of the Table Show-downs

La Liga: Barcelona v. Real Madrid (a.k.a. El Clasico)

Finally, an El Clasico that began to live up to its hype. In the past few years especially it has devolved into a one-sided affair, despite the considerable hoopla in the run-up. And while both sides missed chances (looking at you Ronaldo and Messi) on the night, it was actually an entertianing match that came down to the cool calm of Zlatan Ibrahimovic and his 56th minute winner.

Did you know that Figo was once pelted with a pig's head after crossing the divide from Barca to Madrid? Here's some more info on El Clasico, if you just can't get enough fun facts about the rivalry.

EPL: Chelsea v. Arsenal

A competitive contest until the last three minutes of the first half. Wenger's wonder kids failed to capitalize on their early dominance, and it was left to the always dynamic Didier Drogba to take it early and finish it late, as he seized the initiative and the win from the young Gunners (with a little help from Thomas Vermaelen, of course). The win at the Emirates solidified Chelsea's hold of the top spot, while Arsenal relinquished third place to on-form Tottenham.

Messi Wins the Ballon d'Or

Lionel Messi is officially the best player in the world. Messi became the first Argentinian player to win the award and the sixth Barcelona player to receive the prestigious Ballon d'Or. Just rewards for his record-breaking treble season with Barca triumphing in the Champions League, La Liga, and in the Copa del Rey.

The 96 France Football voters gave Messi a near perfect 473 points out of a possible 480 points, putting him far ahead of other competitors for the honor. Ronaldo garnered 233 votes to put him in second place (the only non-Barca player in the top four); he was followed by Xavi (170), Andres Iniesta (149), and Samuel Eto'o (75).

Great Goals of the Decade

The Guardian just published a list of the top six goals from the last decade.

1. Leo Messi, Barcelona v. Getafe, La Liga, April 2007



2. Esteban Cambiasso, Argentina v. Serbia, World Cup Group Stage, June 2006



3. Wayne Rooney, Everton v. Arsenal, Premier League, October 2002



4. Rivaldo, Barcelona v. Valencia, La Liga, June 2001



5. Andres Vasquez, Gothenburg v. Orebro, May 2007



6. Paul Peschisolido, Sheffield Utd v. Nottingham Forest, May 2003
   
   

We might suggest one of Ronaldo's wonder strikes or Ronaldinho's juggling wonder. Thoughts? Other suggestions?

Man Utd in Trouble?

In happier, title winning times.

Maybe not trouble, but a Nathan Lowe article points to some troubling personnel problems.

Nani is no Beckham, Berbatov is no Van Nistelrooy, and no one is the next Ronaldo, who, Lowe points out, is "the difference between United's last three winning seasons and now."

While Fletcher and Carrick endeavor admirably, Scholes and Giggs have slowed understandably and there has been no midfield player sufficiently skilled to drive play in their places.

United lacks an irresistable attacking force. Actually, to be honest, they lack anything that resembles attacking fluidity and tend to rely on capitalizing on chances that they luck into, which can work for a while with players like Rooney and Vidic, but will do little in the ways of guaranteeing hardware at the end of the season. Add to that defensive frailties and a retiring number one keeper and major titles next season look even less likely.

So, while Ferguson has ruled out big signings in the January window, the question is: can he afford to do so over the summer signing period? Or will Valencia and Obertan et al have to develop alongside a new big name?

Champions League Round-Up

Ronnie returns.

• Higuain is scoring, Kaka is clicking and Ronaldo is returning. All is well for Madrid and just in time for El Clasico.
• As for their Clasico rivals, Barcelona seized initiative in their crucial match against Inter Milan, but advancement is still very much up in the air.
• Bordeaux took firm control of their group, leaving Juventus and Bayern to fight it out for second place.
• Chelsea and Arsenal pulled out wins against Porto and Standard Lige respectively, while Man Utd stumbled against Besiktas at home and Liverpool crashed out. But Rafa got a vote of confidence, well, um, until this...

• In the great tradition of Scouser/Manconian rivalry, Gary Neville then decided to rub salt into the Kop's open fleshy wound.

Spurs Score NINE

Not against a top four team mind you, but we're hear to concentrate on the postitives (or the negatives, for those who hail from certain parts of Manchester).

The scoreline is truly astonishing. Tottenham pounded Wigan into submission, scoring nine and conceding a sole goal , which was nearly upstaged by the goal scorer's black and white cookie inspired hair-do.

Spurs put on a blistering performance, highlighted by Jermaine Defoe's five goal second half, which was surely a sight for sore England eyes. Add to that Aaron Lennon's inspired wing performance, and the recent, post-Brazil die down in Three Lions hype for next years' World Cup is already on the rebound. Perhaps more importantly, the north London club will be supremely confident going into the heart of the season, having burnished their credentials for a place in Europe next year and being level on points with Arsenal.

P [dot] S Paul, if you're reading this, we respect the folicle fearlessness, but it just doesn't work for you, dear. More generally, food cravings are not something from which to take hair inspiration. Remember the time you wanted a slushie? Well, that didn't turn out well either.

End of the Week News Round-Up

Letting you know exactly how he feels.

• Never one to shy away from controversy, Keano agrees with our Henry assessment. Well, sort of.
  

• Speaking of that game, FIFA turned down Ireland's replay request.
  

• A match fixing ring so huge even the New York Times reported on it.
  


• It's okay to breathe again Pellegirini, your golden boy will be rejoining you soon.

Henry's Handball Heresy

If you haven't been living under a rock lately, you've come to know at least two things about football: 1) France will be going to South Africa; and 2) Thierry Henry's handball is what got them there.

This does not sit well with their Irish opponents, who have filed an official complaint with FIFA and are requesting a replay. The French FA has already rejected their appeal, so now it is up to FIFA to decide if a replay is warranted and/or possible. If Giovanni Trapattoni's opinion is taken as any indication, then the chances of FIFA reacting favorably to the Irish request are comparable to Nani's chances of being at Old Trafford beyond the end of the season in light of his recent criticism of SAF (a.k.a. slim to none).

As for the other issue (e.g. if Henry's reputation will suffer as a result of his handball), we'd like to think not. There are reports that some French are embarrassed about the means of their qualification, but was there any Argentinian blushing when one Diego Maradona fisted the ball into the net in the 1986 World Cup? Should the French go out and rub it in the faces of their Irish bretheren? Absolutely not. Should they cower in apology? No. Rather they should thank their lucky stars and remain humble. Refereeing mistakes happen, move on.

There is also a significant amount of criticism centered on the fact that Henry did not cop to the handball immediately and turn himself into the ref. That criticism makes as much sense as Sarah Palin's train of thought. Players are taught from a young age to play to the whistle. There was no whistle. Seriously, have you ever seen any player who was obviously off-sides or who blantantly committed a foul in the box before slotting home a winning goal stop, turn to the ref, and confess his sins so that his goal could be disallowed?? No. And you never will. Holding Henry to a standard that does not exist is absolutely ridiculous and reflects rage rather than reason.

Finally, this event should force FIFA to institute video replay, for if anyone is at fault here it is FIFA. Avoidable misfortunes like these should be avoided and will be if cameras are posted around the goal.

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

Chelsea wants YOU.

Chelsea has never been a club to shy away from lavish outlays on world class talent, which is why their recent transfer ban has been so upsetting, not least of all to Abramovich himself.

It's also why news that the ban will not be enforced over the January transfer window, pending its appeal by the club, is so welcome...especially for one Sergio 'Kun' Aguero. Rejoice Blues fans, rejoice!

And then there were four...

After the second round of playoffs, the last four teams from UEFA have booked their places in South Africa.

Some results were surprising. Greece's 1-0 away win over Ukraine was unexpected given their lackadaisical performance at the weekend, while Slovenia's triumph over Russia, despite the latter's home advantage, was never the most likely outcome.

Other results were more expected. Portugal was able to draw out the win over Bosnia that will see Ronaldo to his second World Cup. And, while the result was not surprising, the lack of creative midfield play by Portugal was. Queiroz has yet to figure out how to make the whole greater than the sum of its parts.

And still other results were controversial. France's lucky draw with Ireland saw them through to South Africa, given their one away goal advantage. However, the circumstances surrounding Henry's cross that set up Gallas' header will be much (and hotly debated) in the coming days. Just look at Henry's wikipedia page if you don't believe us....let the conspiracy theories begin!

To see the full list of qualified nations, check out FIFA's website. The draw for the group stages will take place on December 4th.

UEFA's Final World Cup Spots Go To....

Make love not war.

Well, we don't actually know yet. But, in the interim, we're going to give out our midterm report cards. Final exams will be given this Wednesday, November 18th.

Russia = B-; Slovenia = C. Russia looked like its in the drivers seat going 2-0 up, but Nejc Pecnik's late goal could be crucial for the second-leg at home.

Portugal = C +; Bosnia = C-. Portugal breathed a sigh of relief, after pulling out a 1-0 win at home, without Ronaldo and without any player able to exert influence in the midfield.

Greece = D-; Ukraine = D+. Greece looked impotent, and Ukraine was intent on matching them ineptitude for ineptitude. At the very least though, Ukraine can look to the positive of having the second-leg at home, while the Greeks have to figure out a way to keep from firing blanks.

France = B-; Republic of Ireland = C+. And, finally, France looked lucky after a fortuitous 1-0 away win. Although, Lass Diarra may want to watch out for Keith Andrews and any other hard-charging Irish players looking to work out their issues on the pitch.

Needless to say there is significant room for improvement....

Footballers Are Just Like Normal Guys

They have problems. Some face troubles with our fairer sex compatriots. Some battle addictions, and others have money problems.

And these money probs don't stop with blowing all their cash - though they do so often enough. But, just as often, you can find these footballers bemoaning their taxation levels. Seriously, how are they supposed to lavish Ferraris and the like on their WAGs AND contribute to the social good? See, problems just like with the other guys we know.

And now these taxation troubles are about to get more acute in Spain, where a proposal circulating Parliament could reverse the "Beckham Law," and raise taxes on Spanish footballers from the current 24% to 43%, as soon as January 1st.

Naturally, the Spanish League Association has objected to this reversal, claiming that it would cause a veritable foreign flight of top talent. Problem with that argument is that even now only 35.8% of La Liga's players are foreign. So, on that measure of the law's success, it trails the Premier League (65.5% foreigners, 50% taxation rate), the Bundesliga (43.7% foreigners, 45% taxation rate), Ligue 1 (41.9% foreign players, 40% taxation rate) AND Serie A (41.7% foreigners, 43% taxation rate).

It also fails the logical test: If the taxes are raised in Spain to levels equitable to those in other countries that house top leagues, where exactly would the players go?

UPDATE: Not For Sale!

It seems the giant fire sale that was rumored at Anfield will not come about, per Liverpool's co-owner Tom Hicks. So no new stadium, but at least Reds fans will have Nando, Gerrard, et al to keep them company at home on those cold European nights next year.

P dot S Liverpool's owners are not the most adept PR people. When it comes to the hearts and minds of Reds fans, it always seems to be one step forward and twenty back. So, naturally, after reassuring the faithful that their top talent will not be sacrificed for financial reasons, Hicks decided it would be good to follow that up by conveying his disappointment in Liverpool's on pitch performances.

Note to Hicks: Get in touch with your fans. If you were to ask anyone in the Kop, they would be able to tell you that if your finances were better, your on pitch performances would follow suit. In fact, if you actually provided the club with sufficient cash on hand, then perhaps the heart of your midfield wouldn't have been sold over the summer. Just sayin'.

From the Mouths of Babes...

Sometimes footballers forget the lessons they learned in kindergarden. You know, like, don't hit people, share with others, etc. So, every now and then, it's nice to know that they remember how to mind their manners.

Such is the case with Femme Football fav Didier Drogba. The mercurial Blues man recently returned to Champions League action after serving a 3 match ban for his foul mouthed tirade during last year's tie against Barcelona. But he learned his lesson....all thanks to his 8 year old son.

It really is all about the kids.

Smell That?

Let's just say it hasn't gone well.

It's the stink emanating from the Camp Nou's own right now.

A fortnight ago Barca suffered one of the most unexpected, not to mention embarrassing, losses at home to Russian champs Rubin Kazan. And how did they follow-up that gem? With an uninspired 0-0 tie away to Rubin, of course.

While CL slip-ups are to be expected, especially in the group stages, and while every Goliath is bound to fall sometime or other to an enterprising David, Barca has struggled mightily to even come close to the expectations (and odds) put on them.

We also don't really know what's happened to Messi in these last few games, but surely the world's best player ought to be able to take over a game against on at least one occasion, non?

There is a positive side to all of this...for Inter Milan, at least. In the space of 2 hours, the Italian champions jumped from last to first place in the group. Now there's a good day of work for you.

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's Attacking Football in Serie A??

Happy once again.

We were pleasantly surprised when watching AC Milan play Parma over the weekend. Not only did the Ronaldinho-Borriello linkage up-front produce two quality goals, but those moments weren't the stellar exceptions to the usual rule of dour, defensive Italian footie.

Usually, we steer clear of Serie A, because, frankly, it depresses us. Between the empty seats in the stands and the laconic pace of action on the pitch, we prefer to devote our precious weekend footie watching hours to La Liga and the EPL, relegating Serie A to highlight viewing (which, let's be honest, doesn't take up that much time anyways).

But this game was different.

Both Milan and Parma fielded quality sides that actually showed their quality. The play was often end-to-end and real chances were created by multiple, forward thinking players, including a rejuvinated Ronaldinho (and, you should know how happy we are about that).

We ended up being even more excited than Leonardo, with his new-found job security, at having witnessed an entertaining top-flight Italian match. In fact, we might actually consider trying it again next weekend...

Madrid's Already Looking For Salvation

He can save us any day.

And it's just October.

In a press conference, after their recent Copa del Rey defeat, Cristiano Ronaldo insisted he wasn't Madrid's "savior."

But here are the facts:

Los Blancos' record with C. Ron: 7-0-0
Los Blancos' record without C. Ron: 1-3-1

And, in those seven games, CR9 scored a total of nine goals. While Madrid, as a team, could only manage a total of seven goals in their last five matches.

If that doesn't put C. Ron somewhere close to the footie god qualification, we're not quite sure what does.

Regardless, after their humiliating 4-0 loss to third division side Alcorcon in the first-leg of their fourth round Copa del Rey match, Madrid is certainly in need of an on-pitch resurrection of some sort.

About that "disastrous" match, Ronaldo went on to say:

"We lost, nobody's happy about this but we have to raise our heads - the world is not going to end because of that. We have to learn our lesson and in the next matches make sure we don't underestimate any teams. We're conscious that we need to play better."

Couldn't have said it better ourselves, Ronnie. And because Guti, Iker, Kaka, et. al only seem to have eyes for you, you're the perfect person to carry the message to the team, that is, until you can actually carry the team again.

P dot S We wonder what Johan Cruyff has to say now.

Huge Debt - Star Players = Unhappy Fans

He looks so happy.

It's simple math really, but somehow the concept still eludes the Anfield owners.

The Americans reportedly have a "Doomsday" scenario, which involves the sale of golden boy Fernando Torres (a.k.a. the only reason that 'Pool is in the top half of the Premier League this year) to Manchester City for 70 million pounds. That fee would then go to paying down some of the 290 MILLION in DEBT the club has incurred under the enlightened stewardship of Gillett and Hicks.

Let us illustrate the significant downside to this plan. First, the sale will cause a disastrous drop in form. Seriously, who's going to replace him up front? Aqualani? And we've seen how much losing just one player can affect on-pitch performances. *cough* Xabi Alonso *cough*

Now, let's really think this move through. Natch, the Reds' good looks quotient will suffer even more (see again: Alonso, Xabi for initial decline). Moreover, if Nando goes to City, he'll be forced to wear that awful powder blue, and, really, we all know that that colour does his complexion no favours. He might even have to lose the highlights to stop himself from being completely washed out. And what is El Nino without frosted tips?

We so object to this move on a multitude of levels.

But money matters. So following in the Reds' glorious footsteps is Valencia, which is seriously considering the sale of Davids Villa and Silva as sacrifices to the financial gods.

What do you think? Do club finances justify the player sacrifice in either case?

Pompey Just Can't Catch A Break...

Poor Paul Hart.

On or off the pitch.

Word is that the FA have banned Portsmouth from registering new players a la Chelsea. When asked about the "embargo," Peter Storrie, Pompey's chief executive, insisted that the it was simply the result of a technicality and would be "sorted out" in a matter of days.

Now, there's a positive: Pompey won't have to wait till 2011 to sign new players like the Blues. But even that becomes a negative, when you realize that that's the only good news the club has received since the season's start.

While it's admirable that Storrie has found some silver lining (seriously, the man is more absurdly optimistic than the delusional few who still think LiLo is capable of getting her act together), it remains to be seen whether players will actually want to sign at Fratton Park. What with their 3 owners in 3 months AND not being able to pay the players' wages AND being bottom of the table and all. You know, those few, inconsequential details....

Just Because...

Greatest of all time?

World Cup Fever has struck us here at Femme-Football. We know it's a little early (there are, in fact, 233 days, 16 hours and 11 minutes, give or take, until kick-off, according to FIFA's official countdown), but fortunately we have found a (temporary) cure for our craving thanks to caughtoffside.com.

Which side would be your best World Cup team of all time? Does Brazil 1970 get the nod?

And the draw goes to....

photo: guardian.co.uk

FIFA's head, Sepp Blatter.

Well definitely not the Republic of Ireland, which have their World Cup hopes pinned on beating France in a two-legged play-off on November 14 and 18. Check out the rest of the draw below....

• Republic of Ireland v. France
• Greece v. Ukraine
• Portugal v. Bosnia - Herzegovina
• Russia v. Slovenia

And the winners are....

Qualification for WC2010 began to draw to a close on Wednesday. With some heartbreak, some happiness (see: Maradona) and not too many surprises. Here's a summary of the results:

In Europe, Denmark, Switzerland, Slovakia join the other group winners with guaranteed bids for WC2010.

Portugal, Greece, Slovenia, Russia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Ukraine, France, and the Republic of Ireland each secured second-place in their respective groups. These eight teams will meet in a two-leg tie on November 14 and 18 to determine which four sides will advance to the Finals.

In CONEMBOL, Argentina's late winner pushed them into fourth place, securing the last automatic qualification spot. Their opponents, Uruguay, must now face CONCACAF's fourth place team, Costa Rica, in a play-off to determine the last team going to South Africa.

Bye, Bye 'Binho

The weather never suited him.

Money can't buy happiness. Or so it seems for Robinho and moneybags City, with the former rumored to be taking leave of the latter in the January transfer window, heeding the call of of Catalan country.

And with that move, it's pretty much a wrap for the Brazilian revolution in the northwest. With Elano gone, Robinho soon to be, and Jo as good as, it is unlikely City will carry out their plan to play in the Brazilian style with actual Brazilians.

Signing Bonanza at the Bridge

A good look.

In an effort to forever endear himself to the Blues' faithful, Salomon Kalou has joined Didier Drogba, John Terry and Ashley Cole in agreeing to a long-term contract extension with the club.

Given that Chelsea have been banned from bringing in new players until January 2011, Kalou's decision to extend his stay at Stanford Bridge until at least 2012 will surely bring a welcome sigh of relief to Abramovich, Ancelotti, et al.

World Cup Qualifying: Recapping and What's to Come

Already Qualified

A grand total of 32 national teams will be competing in South Africa come next summer. Below are those countries who have already qualified.

Hosts: South Africa

Africa: Ghana; Ivory Coast
Totals: 5 qualification spots/2 qualified

Asia: Australia; Japan; North Korea; South Korea
Totals: 4 qualification spots/ 4 qualified

Europe: Denmark, Germany, Great Britain, Italy, Netherlands, Serbia, Spain
Totals: 13 qualification spots/7 qualified

Note: In addition to the 9 group winners, the top 8 runners-up (in this case, the second-place teams from Groups 1-8) will compete in a play-off to determine the 4 sides that will join the top sides in South Africa.

North America: Mexico, USA
Totals: 3-4 qualification spots/2 qualified

Note: The fourth place team from CONCACAF (N. Am.) will meet the fifth-place team from CONMEBOL (S. Am.) to determine which association will get an extra entrant in WC2010.

South America: Brazil, Chile, Paraguay
Totals: 4-5 qualification spots/3 qualified


Wednesday's What to Watch For

Europe: Breaking Down It Down Group by Group....

Group 1: Sweden v. Albania and Portugal v. Malta

Denmark has already qualified, leaving Portugal (on 16 points) and Sweden (on 15 points) to vie for the play-off spot. It should be noted that Portugal will be without their talismanic captain Cristiano Ronaldo, who limped off their 3-0 win over Hungary on Saturday with a recurrence of his ankle injury.

Group 2: Switzerland v. Israel and Greece v. Luxembourg

This is a group where everything is still in play. Switzerland (on 20 points) requires only a tie to assure qualification in the top spot. However, should Switzerland lose to Israel, the Swiss run the risk of slipping into second place, if Greece, 5-2 winners at the weekend, can pull out another win against Luxembourg. Israel (on 15 points) have an outside chance at a play-off spot, should they manage to beat Switzerland, and if Greece (on 17 points) does not get a result on Wednesday.

Group 3: San Marino v. Slovenia and Poland v. Slovakia

Slovakia (on 19 points) is guaranteed of at least a play-off spot, though they can take the group with a win in their game against Poland. Though, should the Polish thwart them, Slovenia (on 17 points) could overtake them at the top of the group, with a win against minnows San Marino.

Group 4: Nada!

Germany (on 25 points) and Russia (on 21 points) have already locked up the first and second spots.

Group 5: Nada again!

Spain (on 27 points) and Bosnia-Herzegovina (on 19 points) have already locked up the first and second spots.

Group 6: Andorra v. Ukraine and Kazakhstan v. Croatia

England (on 24 points) have already earned automatic qualification. Ukraine (on 18 points) is in poll position to take the play-off spot with win against bottom-side Andorra, who have yet to earn a solitary point in any of their previous 9 matches. Should the unthinkable happen (a.k.a. Ukraine failing to capitalize), Croatia (on 17 points) could overtake them and surge to second-place.

Group 7: Nothin' Doin' Here...

Serbia (on 22 points) have won the group; following their win against the Faroe Islands, France (on 18 points) has made it to the play-offs.

Group 8: ...Or Here...

Italy (on 21 points) is top in this group, and the Republic of Ireland (on 17 points) have assured themselves of a place in the play-offs.

Group 9:...Or Here.

Actually, there won't be any games in this group to watch, even if you wanted to! The Netherlands (on 24 points, after 8 rounds) have qualified and none of the other sides in the group accumulated enough points to even qualify them for one of the eight play-off spots.

North America: United States v. Costa Rica

Costa Rica (on 15 points) faces an American side (on 19 points) that is not only leading the groups, but also has just come off a hard-fought 3-2 win against Honduras. Costa Rica will need a win to assure their hold on the last automatic qualification spot, but the US will be keen not to reliquish first place to their arch-rivals Mexico. Breathing down their necks will be Honduras (on 13 points), which will take on El Salvador, hoping a win will allow them to leap-frog Costa Rica into third place.

South America: Uruguay v. Argentina

Argentina (on 25 points, +2 GD) and Uruguay (on 24 points, +9 GD) are in for a battle royal for the last automatic qualification spot. Maradona's side will be buoyed by a famous 2-1 win against Peru, but will face a formidable Uruguayan side that will be betting on its chances on taking advantage of a perennially inconsistent Argentine side.