So Much for Practicing Your Penalties

Hodgson's imperative was plainly unheeded by the two Ashley's (Young and Cole), with the latter further shrinking from the mantle of the best left back of all time, a title with which some in the English press are eager to anoint him.

And now we get to, err, play Germany...

But the penalties (missed and made) do not even begin to tell the story of the previous 120 minutes, which saw the prodigous Pirlo complete more passes (115) than England's four starting midfielders did against the Azzurri (so much for that whole T.B.O.F thing).  In extra time, the Three Lions only averaged a pass a minute (or what amounted to 15 in the last 15 minutes of the second overtime).  Their most successful passing combination in the game was Joe Hart ( the one English player to acquit himself well in these Euros) to Andy Carroll, a man who couldn't even top the ponytailed wonder sweepstakes when having a 50-50 chance of doing so (here's looking at you, Ibra).  All this against an Italian side, which came into this tournament reeling from a match fixing scandal, exposed in the back by Croatia and missing Giorgo Chiellini in this match.  


When you are not only out-classed but out-passed by the Italians, there can be no choice but to go back to the drawing board.  When the Italian press is bored to tears by your play, well, then find yourself a white flag.  

England were so negative that even George Carlin couldn't think of anything bad to say about their performance.


I hate beating a dead horse (well, I've actually never done that, though, as far as the idiom goes, Roy's Boys do become a quite tedious quite fast), but this iteration of the Three Lions has been particularly pitiful.  Half chances and kickball do not qualify you for the top 10 in the world.


In the end, all Gerrard & Co. could do was sit back and watch Italia's beautiful game - as I type this, there is in fact a pig circling the top floors of my apartment building.  Wait, never mind, that was just Wayne Rooney - still managing to stink up the place somehow.    

Just stay down, it's better for all involved.

By the by, isn't especially interesting that England have managed to become more defensive and austere in their play under Hodgson than they were under the much maligned Fabio Capello? 


Speaking of Capello, what a way for the ex-England manager to come out of the woodwork, eh? With all the tact of Lady Mao, Capello came down on wonder boy Rooney, who proved himself utterly incapable of performing in the red and white of England no matter what the spoken language of his manager.