United's Young Guns

Not too long ago I was bemoaning the failing, flailing underperformers at Man Utd (Scholsey, Berbatov, Carrick...). But all was not lost as today's 5-0 thrashing of Wigan proved in spades.

United's play was marked by a fluidity and crispness that has been lacking from many of their recent performances. The architects of this improvement were none other two young Red Devils, 16 million pound man Antonio Valencia (himself a former Wigan player) and Rafael da Silva.

Valencia's pace and vision proved too much on the night as he set up three goals and scored the fifth himself for good measure. While Rafael provided Rooney with a wonderful service (leading to his 14th league goal) and scored the third to boot. Even Berba got his scoring on...for the first time since Halloween, but still! Old Trafford faithful rejoice!

P [dot] S Who'da thunk it? Ronaldo misses Man Utd, though you shouldn't expect a reunion anytime soon. And the way Valencia's playing perhaps Old Trafford soon won't be missing him as much. He is SIR Alex Ferguson for a reason, you know....

Spurs Score NINE

Not against a top four team mind you, but we're hear to concentrate on the postitives (or the negatives, for those who hail from certain parts of Manchester).

The scoreline is truly astonishing. Tottenham pounded Wigan into submission, scoring nine and conceding a sole goal , which was nearly upstaged by the goal scorer's black and white cookie inspired hair-do.

Spurs put on a blistering performance, highlighted by Jermaine Defoe's five goal second half, which was surely a sight for sore England eyes. Add to that Aaron Lennon's inspired wing performance, and the recent, post-Brazil die down in Three Lions hype for next years' World Cup is already on the rebound. Perhaps more importantly, the north London club will be supremely confident going into the heart of the season, having burnished their credentials for a place in Europe next year and being level on points with Arsenal.

P [dot] S Paul, if you're reading this, we respect the folicle fearlessness, but it just doesn't work for you, dear. More generally, food cravings are not something from which to take hair inspiration. Remember the time you wanted a slushie? Well, that didn't turn out well either.

The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly: Premiere League Edition (9/27-9/28)

It lends an air of authority, if not success....

The Good: WTF Wigan won?? Yes, you read right, even Drogba's centennial strike couldn't save Chelsea's 100% record. The Blues certainly did not look like league leaders, and that, in large part, was due to the Latics outstanding display. Paul Scharner's finishing touch made sure of the Latics' first win against a top four side...ever...and it was a well deserved one at that. So Congrats!

Honorable mention to Fernando Torres: We may not like your frosted tips, but we can't hate on a superb showing against Hull and your ability to nearly single-handedly cover up the Reds' shoddy defense.

The Bad: Hapless Hull City - The above kudos to Torres is the yin to the yang of the hellish Hull experience at Anfield. Not even Phil Brown's spiffy headset could distract from the atrociousness of the scoreline.

(Dis) Honorable mention to Man Utd's Valencia: Seriously? How can you miss that ish? Seriously?

The Fugly: Pitiful Pompey - It's hard for us to find the words to adequately describe the hot tranny mess that is Portsmouth these days. Take the worst start in Premiere League history (after an unlucky loss versus Everton, they have racked up a grand total of zero points through seven rounds), then add to that significant financial uncertainties and front office rumblings, and you are left with a side that is still searching for its first points this season.

The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly: Premiere League Edition (9/19-9/20)

He's a winner all right.

The Good: Magnificent Manchester Derby - There were a lot of candidates this week...Vermaelen's brace, Chelsea's dismantling of Tottenham and Liverpool's fight-back against West Ham (a close second, to be sure) but in terms of competitiveness and quality goals nothing could touch the brilliance of the Manchester Derby. It had all the elements the voice-over announcers use in describing those cliched footballing movies (Goal 2, anyone?), but without the corny music and the inevitably of a studio-directed ending. The (competitive) Manchester Derby is back, and we couldn't be happier!


The Bad: R.I.P. Blackburn - Having not heeded our warnings about the reputation of one Samuel Allardyce and his negative football, Rovers are now left to suffer at the hands of his inane tactics. Not only are they holding down the bottom of the table (with Pompey and Hull City), but they have earned their place with play that makes most football fans seek the nearest sharp object, with which they can gauge out their eyes. We offer Blackburn fans our sinceret condolences for this season and hope that they've begun their mental preparations for Championship football.


The Fugly: Woeful Wigan - Though it may be a little much with the alliteration, Wigan will certainly be hard pressed to find any redeeming qualities from their performance over the weekend. Vermaelen's double couldn't have encouraged them to go forward, but there is no excuse for their resignation to defensive play from the start. Seriously, we're beginning to think it takes special skill to be so dreadful.


Note to Wigan players: Recovering possession requires approaching the opponent who has the ball....sitting back on your haunches and hoping your mental telepathy will ensure the ball's return to you, sadly, does not work...