RVP 2 MUFC

With enough acronyms to make even the most well-read footie fan's head spin, RVP will be under the employ of SAF and M.U.F.C. after Wenger and the Gunners agreed (we're told reluctantly) to a 20 million pound plus deal for the 29-year striker. 

Good thing red suits him.

So what does this mean for each club?

Obviously, for Arsenal, this begs the question of who will fill the 6'1"void at the top of their formation, for, as much as he is wont to admit it, not all talent can be homegrown under the constrains and demands of today's market such that there is a need to go out and make purchases to fill out a line-up.  Indeed, Arsene Wenger's men were found wanting in the midfield as adequate replacements for Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri (the latter despite his insipid attitude) had not been found. 

The good news is that this time 'round they can call upon newly-signed Lukas Podolski and the-only-marginal-bright-spot-from-France's-Euro-2012-foray Olivier Giroud.  Both seem suited to the free-flowing style Wenger prefers, though Podolski in particular seems to have more to prove after two sub-par seasons with Koln, following his relegation to bit player at Bayern and an inability to recapture his national team form circa 2006 (not to judge or anything...).  Nevertheless, there has been some serious contemplation of life post-RVP for A.F.C., which is an improvement over a year ago.

In terms of Man Utd, the fact that they missed out on the Premier League title by one goal could not be far from their minds as they fought off advances from City, Juve and others to secure the signature of the League's top scorer.  And, despite my well-known distaste for one Wayne Rooney, even I must admit that the Red Devils striker pairing is the stuff of a Fantasy Football fan's wet dreams.  Whether they can play together, of course, remains to be seen, but I am inclined to believe that van Persie's finesse will be a nice complement to Rooney's bullish charms *cough, cough* (excuse me, as I have just managed to choke on my own words...).  Moreover, pace say a Berbatov, RVP is not disinclined to create on his own and provide for others, ranking as the top assist man in the Premiership last year, while still scoring 40% of his team's goals. 

More than this though, there has to be a definite psychological boost to Man Utd's legions, as they have finally made a big signing on par with what their cross-town rivals have been doing in spades.  It must be all the more sweet the City was in the running for this one as well.  With the ever-increasing importance of deep pockets in the sport, it is imperative that the Red Devils do not fall behind the pace, which, contrary to Real Madrid and Man City form, does not mean splashing out huge sums for every big name on the market, but rather making strategic acquisitions upon a sober assessment of needs and talent vis-a-vis the competition and not being thrown off by the going rates for said players.  This is exactly what Ferguson and Co. have done here, and, in terms of personnel moves, the fans cannot ask for much more coming in to the new season.  

A Little Somethin' Somethin' to Tide You Over

How could you not?

If, like me, you found yourself experiencing painful withdrawal symptoms on this, the first rest day of the tourney, fear not, for I have aggregated some of the most important footballing news to help fill the Schweinsteiger shaped hole in your life...or at least tide you over until Czech Republic v. Portugal tomorrow.

• Pack your bag kids, Didier's going to China!  In non-Euro 2012 news, Drogba's services will now be employed by Shanghai Shenhuha, along with ex-Blue Nicolas Anelka.  In a statement, Drogba said that he hopes "to help promote Chinese football around the world and further improve the links between China and Africa."  Beyond that, $315k a week goes a long way in increasing the attractiveness of a Shanghai swan song.  Forget America, China is football's new great frontier; let's just hope that he has a better ROI than the much vaunted, though ultimately disappointing, Beckham effect.  On a related note, can you really think of a better  way to go out?

• Sepp Blatter is in favor of goal-line technology.  Michel Platini is not.  And who was supposed to be the relic here? Perhaps Monsieur Paltini will now entertain the idea of transparent goal frames - at least that way, the fifth official wouldn't have the excuse of the post being in the way.  

• Steven Gerrard has confirmed that England won't underestimate their Italian opposition.  Whew, color me relieved.  I would have been otherwise convinced that Roy's Boys may have not fully appreciated the challenge the four-time world champions may present come Sunday.  Really, I didn't know you to be so magnanimous, Stevie.  I'm glad to see your recent spate of top form at the Kop and the soaring fortunes of your club side haven't caused you to lose perspective and pity those less successful.  Oh, wait, nevermind...

• Claiming their position at the opposite end of the locker room unity/self-belief camp are the other qualifiers from Group D.  I obviously spoke too soon when it came to Le Bleus (thank you, Mr. Malouda).  It wasn't a full on mutiny for sure, but it could definitely be classified as a more than minor disturbance.  And while France's failure on Tuesday was the result of a complete team breakdown, Paul Doyle's apt assessment of the contributions, or lack thereof, of Man City darling Samir Nasri is quite on point for the whole lot. From Doyle:

"You will recall that after Samir Nasri scored against England earlier in the tournament, he made a 'shut up' gesture to the hackery that had been critical of his previous performances.  So the question that must be asked in the wake of his diabolical display last night is: what would be an appropriate 'OK, you can criticise me again' gesture? Should he have removed his shirt and painted a bulls eye on his chest as he was substituted?  Slapped himself around the chops?  Bent over?"

Spoke Gestured too soon?

I'll leave it to you to determine the merits of Doyle's various proposals, though, I would recommend Samir invest in some padded panties just in case. Hell, it may be worthwhile to buy in bulk at this point.

First, Do No Harm

Are you sure you can't compress just a bit more at the back?

That doesn't necessarily mean you do any good either, just basically avoid shooting yourself in the foot.  Some metric of success.

Never have the media been so quick to claim a moral victory for the Three Lions.  Apparently, one good set play and 20% possession now qualifies as a “solid” and “disciplined” performance, rather than an abject failure of football as it would otherwise generally be classified.

Last I heard, however, mediocrity was never that much of a rallying cry, and, despite my many protestations against English exceptionalism in international football, it saddens me to think that this is the level to which they have been reduced.   

Understanding that a number of Hodgson’s first choices were out of contention, Roy’s Boys looked bereft of any forward thinking ideas for the entirety of the game, with France holding possession for large swathes of each half (kudos to Samir Nasri and Frank Ribery for stand out performances on the night).  

England was bland and cynical – their play making a mockery of the beautiful game appellation.  Yes, you have to play to your personnel, but you should either a) find a formation that does not involve “parking three buses in front of the goal” (couldn’t have described it better myself, Herr Ballack) or b) find better players. 

If this is really the best England has to offer, then they have much bigger problems than Wayne Rooney missing a game or two, because, at its most basic, this performance shows that they don’t have the technical abilities necessary to compete on the highest level (somehow this, even while being ranked 6^th in the world, thank you FIFA rankings for once again proving your utter uselessness).  And, even when Rooney does return against Ukraine, he will need quality service to do anything productive (contrary to popularly held belief of the English press, Rooney is more Mitt Romney’s Bain Capital than FDR’s New Deal).  Put simply, he’s not one to create opportunities for others.

Talking up your opponent to make your own ineptitude seem redeemable is almost as pitiful as the actual play was on the pitch.  France is no longer a Goliath.  A 1-1 draw against Spain, Germany or another one of their ilk, may have justified the quick claims of a moral victory (here’s looking at you, Italy).  But no one on this side of the English Channel is pushing the line that France is a true force in world football these days, no matter what recent qualifiers may suggest.   This isn’t Zidane, Thuram and Henry of the ’98 vintage.   It’s also worth remembering that this is the last memorable impression the French left in a major tournament, not that. 

From what I’ve gathered, the hope is that going forward England will be able to best a middle of the pack Swedish side and a Ukrainian team who cannot shoot or tackle as per their own coach.  If that’s your strategy, fine.  Just don’t go around claiming that you somehow still belong amongst football’s world powers.  A desire to play down to your opponents has never been the mark of a great team, and it never will be. 

Fun fact: Both goals in this game came from current Man City players.  Previous tally for the Blues at the Euros: 0. And who says money can’t buy you class?