A Class Act (Finally)

Never one to disappoint, especially on a big, international stage, true tournament favorites Germany dismantled a hapless Australia in the most impressive performance of the World Cup so far.

Goals galore and quality chances a plenty, die Mannschaft quickly established their dominance going 1-0 up in the eighth minute on Lukas Podolski's screamer and added a second before the half-hour mark with Klose's fine finish. It is widely known that the pair have yet to replicate their NT form for club, but Podolski and Klose have never disappointed in their country's colors.

The contributions of the veteran players were matched by that of the German youth in the second half, with Thomas Mueller and Cacau scoring in quick succession. In fairness, the game was far out of reach before that and the Socceroos seemed particularly disheartened when their leader, Tim Cahill, sent off on a soft red in the 56th minute. A difficult fixture on paper, the ancient Australian side was outmatched and outclassed in every aspect of the game. Particularly effective was Mesut Ozil in the middle, heralding the new Germany in more ways than one.

Argentina were fine in their opener, but Germany have set the bar among the favorites. The message was clear; it is up to Brazil, Spain et al to take notice.

England's World Cup Woes

Another Blow.

So much for 2010 being the Three Lions' World Cup year.

On the heels of the Terry's ill-advised tryst and the Bridge will-he-or-won't-he saga (he won't btw), Ashley Cole's many marital indiscretions and (unrelated) broken left ankle, Capello's preparations have been thrown into turmoil as the side lacks a tried and tested left back. Even in the best case scenario, which has Cole returning before the season's end to stake a bid for his WC spot, match-fitness may be beyond his reach. And that's assuming if he returns at all this year.

Now, David Beckham won't be able to aid the cause. It was confirmed today that the 34 year old ruptured his Achilles tendon in Milan's 1-0 win over Chievo, ruling him out for what would have been his final World Cup. Again, Serie A: where dreams and beautiful football go to die.

Just Sayin'

Kaka: Marca is now reporting that AC Milan sold Los Merengues a "broken" Kaka for a still astounding 68.5 million euros. Granted Madrid victimhood at the hands of jealous outsiders conspiring against them is not an unexpected theme in the Madrid-leaning daily, but I have always questioned the enormous fee paid for the Brazilian, even before the full extent of the indifference of first season at Los Blancos became known. Now while Marca may want to attribute that loss in form to an actual physical ailment, I am more inclined to think it derives from the horrendous play stylings of Serie A to which Kaka was exposed to for far too long....just sayin'.

Handball Ref: Word is that FIFA has decided to include the aptly named "Henry handball ref" in their roster of 30 referees for this summer's tournament in South Africa, because there is really no better way to say eff off to the Irish than to allow this official to continue to call games, after having already refused to step up and institute replay technology and/or extra endline officiating measures...just sayin'.

Chav-tastic Terry: In an interview with The Sun, the former England captain finally broke his silence about the controversy surrounding his recently-revealed affair with former biffle/Chelsea teammate Wayne Bridge's baby mama, Vanessa Perroncel. Terry apparently thought the time opportune to state that he and wife Toni's relationship has never "been knocked down" and that they are just "so in love." Now, normally the tawdry affairs borne from inflated footballer's egos are beyond the scope of this blog, but when the indiscretion begins to affect on pitch performances (see: Terry versus Everton) and off field preparations (see: England, World Cup 2010) then it actually becomes a footballing, as opposed to a private, matter, John. Moreover, no matter how you want to spin it, this mess isn't the media's doing, so taking responsibility in your public and sporting life, not just at home, is actually necessary...just sayin'.

Tales of 'Dinho and 'Binho

National Team call-ups are dependent on first team playing time at the club level, and this rule of thumb is all the more true in World Cup years. Hence, the current predicaments of two Boys of Brazil/Femme-Football regulars: Robinho and Ronaldinho.

The talismanic 'Binho has been wont to perform up to his potential during his time in Europe. First, failing to consistently impress at Real Madrid and then bungling his way through a seventeen-month stint at Manchester City. 'Binho has moved back to the greener pastures of his boyhood club Santos in search of the form that will allow him to feature in South Africa. A triumphant winner in his debut versus Sao Paolo has gone a long way in validating that decision.

Faring somewhat better in the form department is FF fav Ronaldinho, whose resurgence at Milan has none other than the G.O.A.T. Pele calling for him to be included in Dunga's summer plans.

Yet, as the clamor for 'Dinho's inclusion in the the NT grows, quesions remain. Notably, the compatibility of Ronaldinho's style of play with that of the current Brazil squad is no longer a foregone conclusion. In the years since their disappointing 2006 performance, the Samba Kings play has been a little less samba-like, as Dunga has favored the deliberate tactical style of someone like Kaka to the free-flowing football that has characterized Brazil in years past.

So the question in 'Dinho's case now becomes whether he can complement his former Milan teammate or if this odd-couple's stylistic differences are just too much for the NT to overcome?

UPDATE: Apparently, Dunga is not to keen on our man 'Dinho, as the latter has just been left out of Brazil's final warm-up match against the Republic of Ireland. Perhaps the memory of 2006's playstation-fueled sexcapades has not been forgotten quite yet...

A Long Summer Vacation

You're a winner in our book, Andrei.

With World Cup qualification (finally!) coming to a close and the draw for next summer's tournament already taken care of, attention has largely been on the winners, the 32 qualified nations. And while that is all well and good, we here at Femme Football would like to take a moment to offer our sincere condolences to those footballers who will be missing out on South Africa.

For these poor souls something to hang their hat on in the interim, we have created a new honor: the "Best Player Not Playing in This Year's World Cup," abbreviated BPNPTYWC, and known commonly known as the Ryan Giggs Award.

Here are this year's honorees:

4th Runner Up: Petr Cech, Czech Republic (It really has been all downhill since that Steven Hunt incident)

3rd Runner Up: Dimitar Berbatov, Bulgaria (Not scoring goals in a Man Utd uniform to be replaced by not scoring goals in Bulgaria's red and green)

2nd Runner Up: Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden (At least you won't fall prey to the tricks of small children off the field or those of wily defenders on it)

1st Runner Up: Emmanuel Adebayor, Togo (We shall miss your strikes, but, as any Arsenal fan will tell you, we'll mostly miss you're class)

And this year's BPNPTYWC/Ryan Giggs Award goes to......Andrei Arshavin, whose Russian side decided to do everything in its power to undo the 2-1 advantage it had going into the second leg of UEFA qualification play-offs. Andrei, you may be king of the house, but your coronation in South Africa was just not to be.

Oh yeah, and congratulations on your win!

Break It Down: World Cup Draw

Group A: South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France

Group B: Argentina, Nigeria, South Korea, Greece

Group C: England, U.S., Algeria, Slovenia

Group D: Germany, Australia, Serbia, Ghana

Group E: Netherlands, Denmark, Japan, Cameroon

Group F: Italy, Paraguay, New Zeleand, Slovakia

Group G: Brazil, North Korea, Ivory Coast, Portugal

Group H: Spain, Switzerland, Hondouras, Chile

Some thoughts for your consideration:

1. For an unseeded team, France was very fortunate in the draw and should easily progress. Well, then again, they should have easily progressed in their qualifying group, so we'll see how it goes...


2. Greece got the same draw (Argentina and Nigeria) as they did in the 1994 World Cup - the last time they qualified for the competion. Fans of Hellas can only hope this time is different...


3. The opening game of the competiton will be South Africa v. Mexico. Usually, the host country gets a boost on the pitch in light of their home field advantage, but recent results put that prospect in doubt for the hosts this time around. Will this be the first time the host side doesn't make it out of the first round?


4. Group of Death? Look to Group G: Brazil, Ivory Coast and Portugal. In terms of promising free-flowing football, it doesn't get much better than these three.

World Cup Seeds

Seeding for the 2010 World Cup has just been announced with the most curious admission being France, which missed out on being seeded (perhaps as punishment for the "Hand of Gaul") and now resides in Pot 4 along with the rest of the European teams (though that is not likely to allay Irish anger, which seems to be building as every WC milestone comes to pass).

Now, only 49 hours, 25 minutes and a few seconds to the actual draw!

And then there were four...

After the second round of playoffs, the last four teams from UEFA have booked their places in South Africa.

Some results were surprising. Greece's 1-0 away win over Ukraine was unexpected given their lackadaisical performance at the weekend, while Slovenia's triumph over Russia, despite the latter's home advantage, was never the most likely outcome.

Other results were more expected. Portugal was able to draw out the win over Bosnia that will see Ronaldo to his second World Cup. And, while the result was not surprising, the lack of creative midfield play by Portugal was. Queiroz has yet to figure out how to make the whole greater than the sum of its parts.

And still other results were controversial. France's lucky draw with Ireland saw them through to South Africa, given their one away goal advantage. However, the circumstances surrounding Henry's cross that set up Gallas' header will be much (and hotly debated) in the coming days. Just look at Henry's wikipedia page if you don't believe us....let the conspiracy theories begin!

To see the full list of qualified nations, check out FIFA's website. The draw for the group stages will take place on December 4th.

Just Because...

Greatest of all time?

World Cup Fever has struck us here at Femme-Football. We know it's a little early (there are, in fact, 233 days, 16 hours and 11 minutes, give or take, until kick-off, according to FIFA's official countdown), but fortunately we have found a (temporary) cure for our craving thanks to caughtoffside.com.

Which side would be your best World Cup team of all time? Does Brazil 1970 get the nod?

And the draw goes to....

photo: guardian.co.uk

FIFA's head, Sepp Blatter.

Well definitely not the Republic of Ireland, which have their World Cup hopes pinned on beating France in a two-legged play-off on November 14 and 18. Check out the rest of the draw below....

• Republic of Ireland v. France
• Greece v. Ukraine
• Portugal v. Bosnia - Herzegovina
• Russia v. Slovenia

And the winners are....

Qualification for WC2010 began to draw to a close on Wednesday. With some heartbreak, some happiness (see: Maradona) and not too many surprises. Here's a summary of the results:

In Europe, Denmark, Switzerland, Slovakia join the other group winners with guaranteed bids for WC2010.

Portugal, Greece, Slovenia, Russia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Ukraine, France, and the Republic of Ireland each secured second-place in their respective groups. These eight teams will meet in a two-leg tie on November 14 and 18 to determine which four sides will advance to the Finals.

In CONEMBOL, Argentina's late winner pushed them into fourth place, securing the last automatic qualification spot. Their opponents, Uruguay, must now face CONCACAF's fourth place team, Costa Rica, in a play-off to determine the last team going to South Africa.

World Cup Qualifying: Recapping and What's to Come

Already Qualified

A grand total of 32 national teams will be competing in South Africa come next summer. Below are those countries who have already qualified.

Hosts: South Africa

Africa: Ghana; Ivory Coast
Totals: 5 qualification spots/2 qualified

Asia: Australia; Japan; North Korea; South Korea
Totals: 4 qualification spots/ 4 qualified

Europe: Denmark, Germany, Great Britain, Italy, Netherlands, Serbia, Spain
Totals: 13 qualification spots/7 qualified

Note: In addition to the 9 group winners, the top 8 runners-up (in this case, the second-place teams from Groups 1-8) will compete in a play-off to determine the 4 sides that will join the top sides in South Africa.

North America: Mexico, USA
Totals: 3-4 qualification spots/2 qualified

Note: The fourth place team from CONCACAF (N. Am.) will meet the fifth-place team from CONMEBOL (S. Am.) to determine which association will get an extra entrant in WC2010.

South America: Brazil, Chile, Paraguay
Totals: 4-5 qualification spots/3 qualified


Wednesday's What to Watch For

Europe: Breaking Down It Down Group by Group....

Group 1: Sweden v. Albania and Portugal v. Malta

Denmark has already qualified, leaving Portugal (on 16 points) and Sweden (on 15 points) to vie for the play-off spot. It should be noted that Portugal will be without their talismanic captain Cristiano Ronaldo, who limped off their 3-0 win over Hungary on Saturday with a recurrence of his ankle injury.

Group 2: Switzerland v. Israel and Greece v. Luxembourg

This is a group where everything is still in play. Switzerland (on 20 points) requires only a tie to assure qualification in the top spot. However, should Switzerland lose to Israel, the Swiss run the risk of slipping into second place, if Greece, 5-2 winners at the weekend, can pull out another win against Luxembourg. Israel (on 15 points) have an outside chance at a play-off spot, should they manage to beat Switzerland, and if Greece (on 17 points) does not get a result on Wednesday.

Group 3: San Marino v. Slovenia and Poland v. Slovakia

Slovakia (on 19 points) is guaranteed of at least a play-off spot, though they can take the group with a win in their game against Poland. Though, should the Polish thwart them, Slovenia (on 17 points) could overtake them at the top of the group, with a win against minnows San Marino.

Group 4: Nada!

Germany (on 25 points) and Russia (on 21 points) have already locked up the first and second spots.

Group 5: Nada again!

Spain (on 27 points) and Bosnia-Herzegovina (on 19 points) have already locked up the first and second spots.

Group 6: Andorra v. Ukraine and Kazakhstan v. Croatia

England (on 24 points) have already earned automatic qualification. Ukraine (on 18 points) is in poll position to take the play-off spot with win against bottom-side Andorra, who have yet to earn a solitary point in any of their previous 9 matches. Should the unthinkable happen (a.k.a. Ukraine failing to capitalize), Croatia (on 17 points) could overtake them and surge to second-place.

Group 7: Nothin' Doin' Here...

Serbia (on 22 points) have won the group; following their win against the Faroe Islands, France (on 18 points) has made it to the play-offs.

Group 8: ...Or Here...

Italy (on 21 points) is top in this group, and the Republic of Ireland (on 17 points) have assured themselves of a place in the play-offs.

Group 9:...Or Here.

Actually, there won't be any games in this group to watch, even if you wanted to! The Netherlands (on 24 points, after 8 rounds) have qualified and none of the other sides in the group accumulated enough points to even qualify them for one of the eight play-off spots.

North America: United States v. Costa Rica

Costa Rica (on 15 points) faces an American side (on 19 points) that is not only leading the groups, but also has just come off a hard-fought 3-2 win against Honduras. Costa Rica will need a win to assure their hold on the last automatic qualification spot, but the US will be keen not to reliquish first place to their arch-rivals Mexico. Breathing down their necks will be Honduras (on 13 points), which will take on El Salvador, hoping a win will allow them to leap-frog Costa Rica into third place.

South America: Uruguay v. Argentina

Argentina (on 25 points, +2 GD) and Uruguay (on 24 points, +9 GD) are in for a battle royal for the last automatic qualification spot. Maradona's side will be buoyed by a famous 2-1 win against Peru, but will face a formidable Uruguayan side that will be betting on its chances on taking advantage of a perennially inconsistent Argentine side.

A Letter to Mr. Maradona

Referencing our earlier discussion of Maradona's managerial mishaps, we have decided to publish this open letter to him in hopes on behalf of all Albicelestes fans....

Dear Mr. Maradona, aka HRH Our Undisputed National Football Treasure:

Since we realize you might be familiar with the 12 step program and seeing that the national team is currently need of a similiar level of rehabilitation, we are presenting you with a list of suggestions (otherwise known as demands) to help our beloved Albicelestes qualify for South Africa. Wanna know the best part? Our rehab scheme has only one-third (that is less than half in case you didn't know) as many steps as the aforementioned program...so here it goes:

1. Swallow considerable pride (hey, we never said it would be painless...)
2. Call up Higuain already, and while your at it allow Milito to pry his rear end from the bench
3. More generally, abandon your mad plot to vindicate your vertically challenged brehtern (looking at you Tevez) and to validate your elderly squad selections (Veron? Heinze? Really Diego?)
4. We know it's a sensitive topic, but did we mention the height thing?

XOXO,

Your Adoring, Worshipful Public

Player Encyclopedia: Future Phenom, Present Prodigy, Historic Hotshot

Image via National Geographic

Look at that concentration.

Future Phenom: We knew it from the moment we laid my bleary eyes on you -- bleary, because of the 2 am wake-up we endured to watch the proceedings of Japan/Korea 2002 live -- but oh how you made it worth it...those free kicks (you remember, the one against England?)...that goofy smile...you made it all look so easy...sure the people at PSG warned us about your late nights, but you had such joy and innocence that we were wont to believe it...and plus everything started out so well at Barca.

Present Prodigy: Some people may question your listing here, especially in this "what have you done for me lately industy," but you were FIFA World Player of the Year...twice (in 2004 and 2005)...and even when all of those dumb commentators were talking up ol' golden balls and his free kicks (seriously, the man's pretty, but he ain't got skillz like you), you were leading Brazil to their second Confederations Cup title in 2005, while helping Barca to back-to-back La Liga titles and the Champions League crown in 2006...but then you got lazy, unmotivated and, well, a bit more than pleasantly plump (granted not to the "fat f%$!" level of Ronaldo, but still)...and they turned on you at the Nou Camp and you became a shadow of your old self with a reputation tanking faster than Emmanuel Ungaro's since they've signed Lindsay Lohan as an "Artistic Advisor."

Historic Hotshot (?): TBD - New chapter, new place? Here's hoping to another club giving you another chance because things aren't working so well at Milan. Let's be honest you could do with another "new lease on life"; you've never linked up well with Pato and Leonardo isn't exactly you're biggest fan. I'm gonna take a wait and see approach with you, and pray that you don't waste your talents like some other wayward compatriots (Corinthians *cough* Ronaldo *cough*)...I mean it would only really take you actually showing up (physically and mentally, that is) to redeem yourself, but that's all part of your master plan, right? Because you obvi learned, when you went all Hollywood, that everybody loves a good comeback.