RVP 2 MUFC

With enough acronyms to make even the most well-read footie fan's head spin, RVP will be under the employ of SAF and M.U.F.C. after Wenger and the Gunners agreed (we're told reluctantly) to a 20 million pound plus deal for the 29-year striker. 

Good thing red suits him.

So what does this mean for each club?

Obviously, for Arsenal, this begs the question of who will fill the 6'1"void at the top of their formation, for, as much as he is wont to admit it, not all talent can be homegrown under the constrains and demands of today's market such that there is a need to go out and make purchases to fill out a line-up.  Indeed, Arsene Wenger's men were found wanting in the midfield as adequate replacements for Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri (the latter despite his insipid attitude) had not been found. 

The good news is that this time 'round they can call upon newly-signed Lukas Podolski and the-only-marginal-bright-spot-from-France's-Euro-2012-foray Olivier Giroud.  Both seem suited to the free-flowing style Wenger prefers, though Podolski in particular seems to have more to prove after two sub-par seasons with Koln, following his relegation to bit player at Bayern and an inability to recapture his national team form circa 2006 (not to judge or anything...).  Nevertheless, there has been some serious contemplation of life post-RVP for A.F.C., which is an improvement over a year ago.

In terms of Man Utd, the fact that they missed out on the Premier League title by one goal could not be far from their minds as they fought off advances from City, Juve and others to secure the signature of the League's top scorer.  And, despite my well-known distaste for one Wayne Rooney, even I must admit that the Red Devils striker pairing is the stuff of a Fantasy Football fan's wet dreams.  Whether they can play together, of course, remains to be seen, but I am inclined to believe that van Persie's finesse will be a nice complement to Rooney's bullish charms *cough, cough* (excuse me, as I have just managed to choke on my own words...).  Moreover, pace say a Berbatov, RVP is not disinclined to create on his own and provide for others, ranking as the top assist man in the Premiership last year, while still scoring 40% of his team's goals. 

More than this though, there has to be a definite psychological boost to Man Utd's legions, as they have finally made a big signing on par with what their cross-town rivals have been doing in spades.  It must be all the more sweet the City was in the running for this one as well.  With the ever-increasing importance of deep pockets in the sport, it is imperative that the Red Devils do not fall behind the pace, which, contrary to Real Madrid and Man City form, does not mean splashing out huge sums for every big name on the market, but rather making strategic acquisitions upon a sober assessment of needs and talent vis-a-vis the competition and not being thrown off by the going rates for said players.  This is exactly what Ferguson and Co. have done here, and, in terms of personnel moves, the fans cannot ask for much more coming in to the new season.  

The Italian Bogeyman

Speaking of the Azzurri, who would've thought they had this kind of performance in them?  Germany certainly would not underestimate the historical football Elmer Fudd to die Mannschaft's Bugs Bunny (see, World Cups 1970, 1982 and 2006).  Surely, they would heed the sage advice of one Steven Gerrard and fully appreciate the Italian threat.

Will the real Super Mario please stand up.

To be fair, it must be present certain psychological difficulties to a side who last trailed in a competitive match in their third-place game...at the 2010 World Cup (or some 1,313 minutes ago).  


The Italians put the comeback even farther out of the mental reach of the Germans when Balotelli doubled his tournament total with a smashing solo effort into the top right hand corner in the 36th. At once both l'enfant terrible and transcendent talent, Balotelli's brilliant brace all but assured Italy's place even before the start of the second half.


And in very un-German-like fashion, Germany folded after a brief foray forward in the second half, their erratic defending and wanton finishing finally causing them to pay the full price for profligacy.  Jogi Low could only rue the many missed chances, as Manuel Neuer bounded upfield to function as an auxiliary striker after Ozil's penalty gave Germany hope for a Hail Mary.  


Just another golden opportunity and another missed chance for Deutschland's Tournea Mannschaft, who are beginning to resemble more of the Jim Kelly led Bills of the 1990s than an actual title contender.  

Penalty Prescience

Who knew Cesc was a regular Miss Cleo?

Built in retirement plan: I see a 900 number in your future.

After having a premonition, in which it was revealed to him that he would give Spain victory in a penalty shootout, Fabregas convinced Vincente del Bosque to allow him to take the fifth spot kick, instead of the second, as originally planned.  A line-up that obviously worked much better for Espana than Paulo Bento’s Portugal.

So, in the overall contest between two somewhat petulant former Arsenal players of average height, Fabregas came out on top, keeping Spain’s hope of a third consecutive finals win alive. 

Why Ronaldo shirked from taking his pen earlier is still unknown.  The player claims that Bento decided the line-up, though somehow I remain skeptical of the line-up being the result of some dictatorial determination from the manager.  If CR7 had wanted to take his penalty earlier, he would’ve been granted the opportunity to do so.  Instead, he wanted to hold out for the last spot, when, in reality, we all know that the first and fourth penalties are the most important.  

Note to Ronaldo: you can only get the glory if you take the pen, or, better yet, take your chance to put it away at the end of 90 as Messi would’ve.

But, while we laud Fabregas and discuss Ronaldo, it has been perhaps overlooked that Sergio Ramos’ cheeky take a la Pirlo was the real clincher for Spain.  Taking the fourth kick, he delivered where Bruno Alves faltered and provided Fabregas with the opportunity to secure it for Spain without having to see Ronaldo step up to the plate as it were.  And, on a lesser debated point, was the change up between Alves and Nani for the third kick an intentional ploy to confuse Casillas or just an inadvertent miscommunication of epic proportions?

In any event, Spain will need a more cutting edge to their tiki-totalitarianism against a quite adventurous and attacking Italian side.  To leave it to penalties again, well, would be a waste. 

So Much for Practicing Your Penalties

Hodgson's imperative was plainly unheeded by the two Ashley's (Young and Cole), with the latter further shrinking from the mantle of the best left back of all time, a title with which some in the English press are eager to anoint him.

And now we get to, err, play Germany...

But the penalties (missed and made) do not even begin to tell the story of the previous 120 minutes, which saw the prodigous Pirlo complete more passes (115) than England's four starting midfielders did against the Azzurri (so much for that whole T.B.O.F thing).  In extra time, the Three Lions only averaged a pass a minute (or what amounted to 15 in the last 15 minutes of the second overtime).  Their most successful passing combination in the game was Joe Hart ( the one English player to acquit himself well in these Euros) to Andy Carroll, a man who couldn't even top the ponytailed wonder sweepstakes when having a 50-50 chance of doing so (here's looking at you, Ibra).  All this against an Italian side, which came into this tournament reeling from a match fixing scandal, exposed in the back by Croatia and missing Giorgo Chiellini in this match.  


When you are not only out-classed but out-passed by the Italians, there can be no choice but to go back to the drawing board.  When the Italian press is bored to tears by your play, well, then find yourself a white flag.  

England were so negative that even George Carlin couldn't think of anything bad to say about their performance.


I hate beating a dead horse (well, I've actually never done that, though, as far as the idiom goes, Roy's Boys do become a quite tedious quite fast), but this iteration of the Three Lions has been particularly pitiful.  Half chances and kickball do not qualify you for the top 10 in the world.


In the end, all Gerrard & Co. could do was sit back and watch Italia's beautiful game - as I type this, there is in fact a pig circling the top floors of my apartment building.  Wait, never mind, that was just Wayne Rooney - still managing to stink up the place somehow.    

Just stay down, it's better for all involved.

By the by, isn't especially interesting that England have managed to become more defensive and austere in their play under Hodgson than they were under the much maligned Fabio Capello? 


Speaking of Capello, what a way for the ex-England manager to come out of the woodwork, eh? With all the tact of Lady Mao, Capello came down on wonder boy Rooney, who proved himself utterly incapable of performing in the red and white of England no matter what the spoken language of his manager.  

The Descent Into Middle Age

Spain were "pedestrian, inevitable and increasingly bloated in the middle," not at all dissimilar to  the current pathology of the American baby boomer.


Sometimes a win just isn't good enough. If you are the best in the world, you're supposed to do it with Liberace's flair and the jaw-dropping brilliance of Bobby Fisher - you're supposed to do it, well, like Germany. 

You mean you didn't enjoy the build up?

No longer rosy cheeked wonders riding a wave of exquisite passing and fine finishing, the Seleccion have lost their cutting edge, firmly in middle age and nearing over the hill status by the minute (or, so they are in the minds of their critics). 


Alas, David Villa is out and Fernando Torres no longer provides the attacking edge necessary to bring Spain's tiki-taka to its efficacious end. Villa's absence in particular has largely been overlooked this tournament, but it is in my mind the most auspicious. The leading scorer in Espana's 2008 Euro campaign, Villa's exploitation of the opposition's defensive weaknesses has not been unmatched by any of the no. 9's (real, false or otherwise) employed by del Bosque in this campaign. 

C'mon, Aragaones never had to deal with this ish back in the day.

The victory over France was banal to be sure, but they were playing to their personnel. To press for a second goal (even whilst retaining possession) requires a real attacking presence, which, unfortunately for the neutral spectator, is not something Spain have on offer now. 


Still best in the world (until someone else can prove otherwise on the pitch), they are just not as good as they were in 2008 or 2010. That is what is at the heart of the criticism of the current Spanish side, but, then again, no one said getting old was easy.

A Little Somethin' Somethin' to Tide You Over

How could you not?

If, like me, you found yourself experiencing painful withdrawal symptoms on this, the first rest day of the tourney, fear not, for I have aggregated some of the most important footballing news to help fill the Schweinsteiger shaped hole in your life...or at least tide you over until Czech Republic v. Portugal tomorrow.

• Pack your bag kids, Didier's going to China!  In non-Euro 2012 news, Drogba's services will now be employed by Shanghai Shenhuha, along with ex-Blue Nicolas Anelka.  In a statement, Drogba said that he hopes "to help promote Chinese football around the world and further improve the links between China and Africa."  Beyond that, $315k a week goes a long way in increasing the attractiveness of a Shanghai swan song.  Forget America, China is football's new great frontier; let's just hope that he has a better ROI than the much vaunted, though ultimately disappointing, Beckham effect.  On a related note, can you really think of a better  way to go out?

• Sepp Blatter is in favor of goal-line technology.  Michel Platini is not.  And who was supposed to be the relic here? Perhaps Monsieur Paltini will now entertain the idea of transparent goal frames - at least that way, the fifth official wouldn't have the excuse of the post being in the way.  

• Steven Gerrard has confirmed that England won't underestimate their Italian opposition.  Whew, color me relieved.  I would have been otherwise convinced that Roy's Boys may have not fully appreciated the challenge the four-time world champions may present come Sunday.  Really, I didn't know you to be so magnanimous, Stevie.  I'm glad to see your recent spate of top form at the Kop and the soaring fortunes of your club side haven't caused you to lose perspective and pity those less successful.  Oh, wait, nevermind...

• Claiming their position at the opposite end of the locker room unity/self-belief camp are the other qualifiers from Group D.  I obviously spoke too soon when it came to Le Bleus (thank you, Mr. Malouda).  It wasn't a full on mutiny for sure, but it could definitely be classified as a more than minor disturbance.  And while France's failure on Tuesday was the result of a complete team breakdown, Paul Doyle's apt assessment of the contributions, or lack thereof, of Man City darling Samir Nasri is quite on point for the whole lot. From Doyle:

"You will recall that after Samir Nasri scored against England earlier in the tournament, he made a 'shut up' gesture to the hackery that had been critical of his previous performances.  So the question that must be asked in the wake of his diabolical display last night is: what would be an appropriate 'OK, you can criticise me again' gesture? Should he have removed his shirt and painted a bulls eye on his chest as he was substituted?  Slapped himself around the chops?  Bent over?"

Spoke Gestured too soon?

I'll leave it to you to determine the merits of Doyle's various proposals, though, I would recommend Samir invest in some padded panties just in case. Hell, it may be worthwhile to buy in bulk at this point.

The Trouble with Tiki-Taka

It’s true: you can have too much of a good thing.  

Beautiful and intricate passing ad nauseam can give way to complacency and a lack of forward thinking, lulling sides into a false sense of security, as they knock it around the midfield, and often having them pay the price for their profligacy. 

Spain succumbed to the very real perils of tiki-taka against Croatia.  They were “a parody of themselves” in the words of Rob Smyth, holding possession for the vast majority of the game but creating very few quality chances from it.  So long as they held the ball, you got the sense that they were able to trick themselves into believing that they had complete control of the game.  It was, in fact, an apocryphal control. 

Del Bosque's men left themselves to be exposed on the counter throughout the match, just as they were on the back of Luka Modric’s exceptional cross to Ivan Rakitic (resulting in a sublime Casillas save).  The uncomfortable reality was that the reigning European and World Champions were still in by only the thinnest of margins.  And the more they passed, the more their forward movement stagnated and their shape narrowed; the play largely confined to a small swath of the pitch around the half-way line as La Roja pondered their next short pass.

Gotta keep possession.

What can be done to remedy their wanton ways?  Well, for starters, Arbeloa and Silva need to make way for Cesc and Navas, which would then allow Iniesta to play in his Barca role instead of being stranded wastefully on the wing.  Arbeloa is by some measure the worst player on the Spanish side, and Silva has been ineffectual throughout.  And then there is El Nino, for whom a suspect Irish defense is apparently the only opposition against which he can prove effective.  


Seriously, Fernando Llorente must be wondering what he has to do to get a whiff of the pitch at this point.  And, while Torres is certainly not good enough to produce on his own, if del Bosque insists on giving him another run out, at least he would benefit from the complementary wing play of Navas and an opportunity to play off of a false no. 9 like Fabregas this time around. 

The French brand of tiki-taka certainly didn’t rival the Spanish form in technical accomplishment (there were far to many touches in between passes), but it was even more crippling.  Against the already elimintated Swedes, Lorent Blanc’s side lost the plot even while enjoying possession for large swathes of the first forty-five.  Their build-up was painfully protracted and lethargic.  Yes, their defense was (is) shambolic (how Mexes ever got to this level is far beyond my scope of comprehension) but had they been able to seize the opportunities their possession presented, the scoreline may have allowed them to withstand Zlatan Ibrahimovic's brilliant strike with some composure intact.

The result of a somewhat more direct approach.

Moderation is the key.  There needs to be a balance between a direct line to the goal and meandering possession without a real end.  

Whether Spain or France will heed these lessons remains to be seen.  If nothing else, it will be difficult for either side to dominate possession in the manner they've been able to do so heretofore, given the tactics of the other, and that may very well be a good thing.  

P.S. For those still unsure of what constitutes good tiki-taka, here's a little how-to courtesy of Barca.  Phil Jackson was right: it is all about the triangles.